I’ve already spent over one-third of my life living abroad, this really blows my mind.

By the way, this is not a cue for you to work out my age! Although if you really must know, here you go :)

Unlike my parents who immigrated to France from Cameroon by necessity, my decision was mainly motivated by my passion for English. At the time, I had just failed my first year of university and I was totally L.O.S.T.

I still remember when I told my mum I wanted to take a gap year and become an au pair to improve my English and figure things out.

For anyone raised in an African household, needless to say that this didn’t go down well. A gap what? To clean houses & look after some strangers’ kids? Did I really think my parents had made all of these sacrifices for me to “figure out” my S*** in London?!

Luckily, after several interventions from family members, my mum finally accepted to let me go. From that day on, 11 years ago, I never looked back.

This got me thinking about my life as a Black expat, the things I’ve learned along the way and why I’d recommend other Black women to explore new horizons too.

Breaking free from family’s expectations

Like many immigrant kids and first-generation African born in France, I carried with me what I like to call the “perfect” child burden. Essentially this meant I had to fulfil all my parents’ deepest hopes and dreams. No pressure. As if that wasn’t enough, I am also an only child. How many African only child do you know??

Right, so you get the picture.

For as long as I can remember, my family and my mum in particular always had this set vision for me. Needless to say this did not include taking a gap year in London. So when I failed my first year of university, in my mum’s mind my only other “viable” option was to study law or medicine (typical!) despite me showing ZERO interest in either subjects.

Standing up to my parents, and sticking to my guns was the very first time I had done was I truly wanted. What I mean is that up until then a lot of my academic choices had been dictated by my family’s expectations.

So moving to London was a breath a fresh air. And I did it not to please my parents, not do the right thing or fit the mould, but just because I wanted to. This was a very first taste of what life could be like away from my well-intentioned parents’ expectations.

2. Choose your own safe haven

Following the “independence” of Cameroon in the 60s, many African families ended up moving to France. My parents were no exceptions. So their decision to move to France was not so much of a choice, but rather a practical one.

In my case, and like many other Black women out there -- although this mostly applies to those with Western passports* -- overall we get to decide where to live. This is a luxury compared to just one generation before us.

Though not every place will welcome us with open arms, unlike our parents, we get to choose a destination based on our personal liking and finances of course. Gone are the days where we had to live and die in place we were born, unless that’s what we want.

Disclaimer - again I can’t stress enough that sadly this doesn’t apply to all of us. Passport privilege is real.

3. Pursue your own dreams

I remember I once told a teacher I wanted to become a journalist and he basically laughed at my face. At the time, many “well-intentioned” people warned me it’d be difficult for me to secure a job as a journalist in France. You can imagine how it feels to hear this when you are literally 16 and still think the sky is a limit (which it is!).

Back then, the lack of representation of Black women in the French media landscape made me consider other countries as back-up plans. The UK became on my radar for its proximity and perceived lack of discrimination towards Black people. Although there’s no such thing as a “perfect” country, I must admit that moving to London opened me many doors.

4. Live life in your our own terms (and pave the way for the next generation)

This piggybacks on the previous points I have made. One of the best things I got out of my move abroad was to finally choose my own path. In London, I ended up studying journalism & media, something my family would have pushed back on had I stayed in Paris.

Though my family can be very open in many aspects, the burden of following traditions in many African household is real. In my family, it manifested itself in the sort of jobs we should be pursuing. Coming from a family of nurses and doctors, at first it was complicated for them to understand my passion for all things creative.

As the eldest cousin, setting the right example for the others was very important. Looking back, I’d now challenge the concept of “the right example” but well I digress.

So moving abroad not only turned out to be the right decision for me but it also made it easier for my cousins to be able to follow their own path. By challenging my family’s views of “success”, not only did it benefit me but it also paved the way for the next generation. This is something I am very proud of. My hope is that each generation of Black women will continue to push beyond what we are told is “the right thing to do”.

5. Be open to new opportunities

Never in a million years could I’ve imaged I’d end up living and working in Barcelona. Moving to Barcelona opened up a new world of possibilities, from both a personal or a professional point of view.

It allowed me to meet people from all around the world and expand my network. It also completely changed the way I perceive life. I think growing up in Paris gave me a very narrow sense of what I could and could not achieve. Moving to London and Barcelona really liberated me from this and gave me the opportunity to live my life the way I wanted.

Having said that, of course there’s been obstacles along the way, but the benefits definitely outweighed the downsides — to me at least!

As Black women, I truly believe we can benefit from seeking opportunities abroad beyond our comfort zone. I’ve learned so much about myself and about what I truly wanted (or not) in the past 10 years abroad.

After all, we’ve gone through (and are still dealing with) so much. We deserve nothing but the best for us and the generations to come so let’s start living life to the fullest.

BONUS TIP: If you are reading this in 2020, you’d have noticed that this has been one heck of a year so far. Between the global pandemic, the death of George Flyod and Brianna Taylor. The protest in Paris for the fourth anniversary of Adama Traoré's death. Blackout Tuesday, the Black Lives Matter movement among many other things, our mental heath has been put to the test. More than ever, putting ourselves first is necessary and who know a change of scenery - albeit temporary - might just do the trick.