This year I turned the big 3-0. Besides waving goodbye to my twenties in the middle of a pandemic, I realised it also means I am no longer eligible to be included in any “30 Under 30” lists. That includes Forbes’ prestigious 30 under 30. And yeah sure it’s not like I thought I’d ever make the cut, but still, you get my point. 

But here’s the thing. I don’t believe in age-based lists, that include “30 Under 30,” “40 Under 40” and “50 Under 50”. I find them reductive. Of course, I am all for celebrating professional accomplishments and excellence but what’s age got to do with it. Age-based lists put the focus on accomplishing something at a certain time in your life vs celebrating the accomplishment in itself.

Now, for the sake of the argument I googled “How to get on Forbes 30 under 30”. I got the most concise answer from this Quora thread.

To make the cut, applicants usually need to have achieved at least one of the below:

1. Running a business (Creating jobs)

2. Making a social impact (Impacting lives)

3. Having clout/leadership (think VP of a company or an Influencer)

If you’ve done any of the above before the age of 30 I applaud you. And if you are reading this article, congrats!

Now if you did any of the above later in life, it’s still equally commendable.

Age-based lists give us the impression that we should be putting an age limit on our achievements. Or that if said accomplishment happens later on in life it’s no longer as valuable or impressive.

Because of these time limits, we end up with random statements like “I need to buy a house by the time I turn <INSERT AGE HERE>”, “You need to have a kid by <INSERT AGE HERE>” and the list goes on and on. 

In reality, things are way more complex than this, and we all know it. But oftentimes, societal pressure gets the best us. That´s why it’s easy to fall into the trap of solely praising achievements when reached at a “young age” even though it not only misses the point but also offers one small side into the story of someone´s success. 

Is upward social comparison good or bad?

As I was binging through videos one evening, Youtube algorithm worked its magic (again) and recommended me Paola Audrey’s channel. 

I was hooked after one video. 

My natural next step was to find out everything I could about her - please don’t tell me I am the only one who does this. Anyway, turns out she not only was my age, but she appeared to have accomplished more than I could hope for in my lifetime. 

I thought to myself “what have you been doing for the past 30 years.”

Then I took a step back, and later on, discovered that this very common feeling was rooted in a concept known as upward social comparison. Yes, everything’s got a name nowadays. 

There are two major types of social comparison: upward comparison, when people compare themselves to people who are better than they are, and downward comparison when people compare themselves to those who are less proficient than they are. Both upward and downward comparisons have strengths and weaknesses.

To me, there’s nothing wrong with looking up to someone, quite the opposite. Checking Paola’s profile made me determined to be more productive and mindful of my time. Having role models is actually a good thing. We can learn a lot from following the footsteps of our “heroes”. Sometimes it can even be the extra source of motivation that keeps us going. 

The only problem is when we get influenced by what other people are doing. When we think we should have achieved X goals in our lives, at X age because so and so did it. This is when things get ugly.

We all fall into the trap of wanting to achieve things after listening to an inspiring podcast, reading the latest self-development book, or watching a motivational video. Suddenly we feel compelled to set the same goals. We might even feel guilt-tripped into doing them. And again that’s when you know upward social comparison has gone wrong. 

Personal goal setting vs. social comparison 

The older I get, the more I love me some goal setting. OKRs, SMART goals, 10-year plan, one year plan, daily intentions I want to try it all. I genuinely enjoy setting goals. 

To me, what makes those goals worthwhile is when they are measurable but more importantly, aligned with MY dreams and aspirations. Instead of some misguided perception of where I should be in life at a certain age.

Of course, now and then we all fall into the comparison rabbit hole, we are only human after all. But I always try to question why a goal has made it onto my list. It usually helps to tell apart the “ego” goals vs. the genuine ones. 

Now, I am by no means an expert when it comes to goal setting, but surely success is success no matter the age?

While setting goals is great, unless we need it, and that’s what motivates us, let’s stop giving ourselves arbitrary deadlines. There’s enough pressure out there for us to fixate on time limits -- at least that’s what I say to myself.

Your life. Your rules.